“Pain and suffering have come into your life, but remember pain, sorrow, suffering are but the kiss of Jesus…a sign that you have come so close to Him that He can kiss you.”
“The way you heal the world is to start with your own family.”
Quotes of St. Teresa of Calcutta
Most of us remember how tirelessly Mother Teresa worked with the dying. She was known as a “living saint”. How do we handle the stress and suffering in our own lives?
For the past several years, our family has been caring for our mother who has been suffering from Alzheimer’s disease. Each of us watched her suffer with the disease and suffered individually both from a sense of helplessness and from grief and sorrow. My sister and I cared for her day after day never knowing when the journey would come to an end. Other brothers and sisters helped when they could, knowing visits made it difficult for her to sleep. The last months were filled with stress and anxiety even with the help of hospice.
Questions about suffering and death were impossible to avoid. How could a loving and merciful God permit such suffering? If there is a God where was He?
I have been reflecting on the gifts given us by the Holy Spirit. I like to picture them as gifts under the Christmas tree. Christmas, after all, is when Jesus was born. God coming to earth to bring mankind salvation. He opened the door to heaven for us. The gifts of Faith, Hope and Love are in the Christmas presents under the tree.
Faith is the belief in something we cannot see. Similar to believing that the light switch will produce light even though we cannot see electricity.
Hope is what we receive when we have faith in everlasting life. We believe our spirit lives on in communion with the saints in heaven. What a party!
Love is the greatest commandment. Scripture tells us that without love we are a noisy gong. Jesus instructed us to love God with our whole hearts and love our neighbor as ourselves.
But what IS love? Love is caring more for the other person than yourself. When two people “fall in love”, they will do anything for each other. Over time, the only way we know if it is true love is if each person is willing to suffer for the other. Hopefully, both parties take turns and the person suffering is supported by the other. Suffering defines love!
If there was no suffering in the world, how would we prove our love? Sacrificial love is easy to understand when we think of our children. We would prefer to suffer ourselves than let them suffer. But holding them too tightly and overprotecting them also causes suffering. We must be willing to suffer from empty nest syndrome if our children are ever to be healthy adults. Marriages are supposed to be loving relationships, but too often either one or both person is unwilling to suffer and sacrifice to make it work. Suffering proves love!
Another gift found under the Christmas tree is the gift of grace. Grace is also known as the awareness of the presence (gift) of God in our lives. If we have the gift of grace we can see God in the face of the suffering. We can see God in creation. We can see God’s actions in everything around us.
Now that my mother is enjoying life again in heaven, I find myself asking more questions. How did we do it? How did our family bear with one another patiently over the past difficult years? How did we forgive each other when our patience failed us?
We did it with the grace of God. He was walking with each of us on this journey.
The feast day of St. Maria Goretti is celebrated on July 6. St. Maria Goretti is the patron saint of rape victims, purity, chastity, forgiveness, and youth. She was the third of six children; having two sisters and three brothers. St. Maria Goretti died a martyr after an attempted rape and being stabbed to death.
Maria was born in Ancona, Italy on Oct. 16, 1890. Her father died of malaria when she was six years old, leaving her family very poor. They moved to Le Ferriere.
On July 5, 1902, she was sitting on her front steps, sewing and babysitting when her eighteen old neighbor, Alexander, attempted to rape her. She began screaming…
“No! It is a sin! God does not want it!”
After choking Maria, she still refused to submit to him, preferring to die. He then stabbed her eleven times. Maria tried to escape but Alexander then stabbed her three more times before running away. Maria was found bleeding and was taken to the hospital. Maria forgave Alexander before she died as she lay in a hospital bed.
Alexander was captured shortly after she died. Because he was a minor he was not sentenced to life in prison. He received a sentence of thirty years. He was unrepentant until he had a dream. In the dream, Maria appeared to him in a garden. She gave him flowers.
After 27 years in prison, he was released. Alexander went directly to Maria’s mother begging forgiveness. Her mother said,
“If my daughter can forgive him who am I to withhold forgiveness.”
All three of Maria’s brothers claimed to have had the intervention of St. Maria in their lives. Angelo heard a voice telling him to immigrate to America. Sandrino miraculously received money to finance his own immigration to join Angelo. Mariano heard a voice telling him to remain in his trench while fighting in World War I.
Maria was canonized in 1950 by Pope Pius XII. Pope Pius compared her to ‘St. Agnes of the 20th century’. Both her mother and Alexander attended the ceremony to celebrate her canonization.
Prayer to St. Maria Goretti
Oh Saint Maria Goretti who, strengthened by God’s grace, did not hesitate even at the age of twelve to shed your blood and sacrifice life itself to defend your virginal purity, look graciously on the unhappy human race which has strayed far from the path of eternal salvation. Teach us all, and especially youth,with what courage and promptitude we should flee for the love of Jesus anything that could offend Him or stain our souls with sin. Obtain for us from our Lord victory in temptation, comfort in the sorrows of life, and the grace which we earnestly beg of thee (here insert intention), and may we one day enjoy with thee the imperishable glory of Heaven. Amen
Are forgiveness and trust the same thing? Jesus tells us the following:
“Blessed are the merciful, for mercy shall be theirs”. (Matthew 5:7)
Love and pray for your enemies.(Matthew 5:44)
Vengeance is mine, says the Lord. (Romans 12:19)
Where does trust come into the picture?
In Psalm 118:8 we learn the following:
“It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man. “
The word trust means….to rely on. Are we supposed to rely on our enemies? I think not. However, we are to forgive them and treat them with love.
To forgive means…to cancel a debt. This is not the same as trust. We are also told to pray for our enemies. This means we don’t curse them or wish evil on them. We ask God to guide them (and us).
It is easier to forgive a person who has asked for forgiveness; however it is also important to forgive someone who has not asked us for forgiveness. This means we put the matter in God’s hands and we trust God.
This is how we can make a judgment against certain behaviors, without condemning the sinner. Only God knows a person’s heart. Perhaps the person has repented. By praying for someone who has wronged us, we release resentment and increase the love in our lives.
God is love. We need to rely on God (trust Him) to guide us through the emotional journey of forgiving our enemies. We trust God that in the end justice will be His.
Loving our enemies means to treat those who have wronged us with love and mercy. However, it is God alone we rely on. It is through prayer that we are led by God. Turning the other cheek simply means we don’t fight back. We don’t seek revenge. We actually pray for the welfare of the person who has wronged us.
Love and forgiveness go together. However, trust is connected to wisdom and understanding. Through prayer God leads us in wisdom, helping us to understand and discern who we should or should not trust.
Wisdom is turning to God for guidance. When we lack wisdom we should seek it (James 1:5)
It is only through praying that we can be led to the will of God. If we pray without ceasing, we will have the prudence to do God’s will.
